Hello out there, lovely UPG Wholesaler! Welcome to our shiny new wholesale website. Let’s go…


Monday-Friday, 9:30 am – 5:00 pm Eastern Time (specifically, Brooklyn Time)

If your message arrives outside of these hours, our Customer Service Philosophers will respond just as soon as they’re back at their desks.

IF YOU ARE A NEW WHOLESALE CUSTOMER, email wholesale@PhilosophersGuild.com to find out how to get started!

IF YOU ARE AN EXISTING WHOLESALE CUSTOMER, email to confirm (1) store name, (2) location / address, and (3) the email address you’ll use for website ordering.

As soon as your wholesale access is activated, a Customer Service Philosopher will email to confirm you’re ready to go.

Note that all orders will ship to the default shipping address we have on file unless we are directed otherwise. If you have multiple locations or a new shipping address, please be sure to reach out to confirm shipping information. Any changes made on the website itself will not be received.

Thank you for seeking us!


The Unemployed Philosophers Guild

makers of smart and funny things for smart and funny people